All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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