my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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