Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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