I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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