So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
