Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. Iām more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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