Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Randomize
