My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
