a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
