we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
