I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
