You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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