I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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