i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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