So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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