is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
