Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
