Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Randomize
