Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
