i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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