Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
