so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
vagina is talking i cant
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They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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