and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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