matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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