Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
