A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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