she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
