You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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