so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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