wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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