can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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