last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
