I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
