Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
