have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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