it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
