Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I want to make a zoo with you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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