Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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