Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Houston, we have a squirter
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
