How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
