i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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