none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
