i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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