Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
