google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
