Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
