I am in a vortex of obligation.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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