Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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