my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
