We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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