I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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