I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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