dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
