so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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