What a fucking waste of an outfit
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
